Under no circumstances should dominants work out any real-life resentments with their partner while engaging in erotic spanking. To make sure everything is 100-percent safe, you should only enter into such situations if your relationship is in a rock-solid place.
While erotic spanking is on the lighter side of BDSM activities, it’s always advisable to set a safe word in case things go over acceptable limits. For the spankee, having their “stop!”s and pleas for mercy being ignored may be a big part of the fun. An unrelated safe word enables the spankee to scream “stop!” without literally saying it. By using an incongruous word-like raddish or Winklevoss or intervention!-the spanker will know to cease their ministrations.
Some people relish the thought of coming away from an erotic spanking session with some battle scars. Others might be bashful about flaunting a black-and-blue tush in their gym’s locker room. As part of your prep, discuss the location and severity of the sort of marks you’re comfortable with. That severity can be impacted by the force with which a spank lands, the area of the spanking surface, and whether you’ve got any blood thinners (like Aspirin) or vasodilators (alcohol’s a common one) in your system.
Choose a stance that is comfortable for you both. The more comfortable and relaxed the sub is, the better and longer they’ll be able to withstand spanks. Traditional positions include over the knee, on all fours, or lying down. All three allow for a dom to start off gently while also enabling the option for more forceful swings, if the need arises.
There are plenty of reasons why the butt is a primary spanking target. Let’s count them down. First, the gluteus maximus is both the largest muscle in the body. Second, the butt is where many people-predominantly women-tend to store a significant amount of body fat. So, it can absorb impacts without any bones or protrusions getting banged up. Third, butt cheeks are generally covered by clothing, meaning that co-workers, children, and fellow parishioners needn’t know of your proclivities. Finally, the butt has close proximity to the genitals. During sex and foreplay, a lot of blood courses through these areas; a sharp slap to the buttocks actually increases blood flow and, as a result, arousal.
Take it slow at the beginning, spankers. A soft stinging sensation is certainly enough to get that blood flow going. Allow the sub’s cheeks to get used to the spank. After a few slaps, you can begin to gradually increase your strength, giving them plenty of opportunity between intensifying swats to give feedback.
The aim of the game-at least at first-is not to beat the sub like they owe you money but to enliven their senses and their imagination. Take a break between each swat or combination of swats. Graze your hand over your partner’s genitals, rub your palm on their cheeks in a circular motion, or do nothing at all, leaving your sub to helplessly anticipate when and where the next impact will happen.
Because the spankee is the passive partner in most erotic spanking play, much advice tends to be instruction for the dom. When it comes to feedback, however, the dom and the sub need to work together and in equal measure for best results.
Doms: After a swat, ask your sub if they liked it. Give more swats at the same intensity. Ask questions like: “Do you think you could take more?” and proceed accordingly depending on their answer.